Today was another one of those days that began to ware on me. I still haven't been able to shake the feelings of inadequacy for being in law school, but I have been trying to fight through them so that I can get my bearings after finals this semester. The new memo assignment is really causing me some headaches. I have spent around 10 hours or so on research and keep thinking I haven't found enough. So now I am having writers block on how to get it going. I am on schedule, but I feel myself really slipping away from it. Now, we are into the time when the school starts talking to us about getting summer jobs because that process will start in January. So instead of letting us get through our first semester, they drop the bomb of employment on us. To help us get things figured out, firms are invited to hold lunch presentations here at the school. Today three government offices came to explain what the law clerks do for them during the summer. This is the only lunch where I really cared about listening to the material. I have only wanted to practice criminal law. Some of the great benefits of working for a government agency during law school is they allow you to work during the school year and are flexible on the hours. Also, you are able to get on the governments insurance and I wouldn't have to move away from Diana for the summer. All great benefits to working for the government while in school. This is a path a lot of my colleagues have said they would never do because they are only in it for the money, but seem to be interested in filling the few slots for law clerks while in school. My fellow students want the big bucks later, but they will pursue that later for the convenience of things now. So now I am stressed that I won't be in one of those few slots because someone with better grades will get the job, but have no intention of working for the government when they get out of school. I will fight and earn my spot, but something just doesn't sit right for me on that. I am certain it comes across that I am a selfish individual, but I am not the type to encroach on someone's passion removing their opportunity to progress. We are living in a cut throat environment.
Just as I am feeling so overwhelmed, just as the day is growing its darkest, just as I am listening to the radio and accidentally mistake a McDonalds advertisement as words of inspiration and motivation, a friend comes to the rescue and puts the situation in perspective. He shared a story of how he had a similar experience while applying for his undergraduate program. His passion was in his field, but others were applying to keep their options open. It is a hard one to take when it is your life pursuit. He then said these words of inspiration, "You can't stress those things that are out of your control. What will happen will happen and will be right for you. Besides, if you stress them out too much, you will get the Shingles". I couldn't help but start laughting. For those who do not know what the shingles are, you just need to look them up. Just know my buddy had them and I have known that story for a long time, but having him just mention it turned my world around today. I won't over stress myself because I don't want to get da shingles!